Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
