I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
