he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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