"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Drunk is not a location!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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