can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
