I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he wants to bone in the snuggie
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
