It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
