Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
