That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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