dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
