dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
