i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I lost the right to judge tonight
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
