Can i not drive my cunt home
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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