sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
