Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
