the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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