I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
