i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
