chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
