If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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