i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
