um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
