I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
