FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
