I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
