she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
