I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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