i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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