Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
