Non-Jews are for practice
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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