Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
