Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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