look no pants
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
