I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
