God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
