We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
