Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
