Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
