i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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