My nipple is on Facebook.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
