my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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