ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
