Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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