three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You may now shotgun with the bride
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
