You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
