Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
