it wasn't lemon gatorade
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
