I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
