if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
