I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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